New York / Mirror / Monster

I look at myself at night. Everyone else's sleeping. The bathroom is lit by a bright lamp over the mirror. I look at my face. What do I see? Why is my face interesting? It's just a face. It's not even right - it's inversed. My real face looks lopsided to me, because I generally just know it from mirrors. Bloody mirrors.

I look at myself at night. What else should I do? It's late. The house is very quiet. I like it quiet. I like silence. I like to sit and wait and do nothing. At least sometimes.

I don't know who I am. At least I think so. Maybe that's why I look into this mirror in the small bathroom lit by a bright lamp. Can the mirror - the reflection it casts into my eyes - give me a clue? Probably not.

I'd like to be in New York now. That is who I could be: Somebody who wishes to be in New York. I mean - which city in this world matters besides New York? Which city can be called a city really? Is there any Metropole that deserves to be called 'Metropole' besides The Big Apple?

Everyone is talking about Berlin. But Berlin sucks compared to Manhatten. Gee, I'd so much like to be there right now. Canyons. Great Canyons of streets. People from all over the world. The rush. The traffic. The Trauma of 9/11 which must have changed everything and everybody who lived there then and is living there still.

How the hell did I get to talk about New York now? Ah. The mirror. Bloody mirror! Tell me: Who am I? Is it important to know that? What is important anyways? Besides, that I get to New York as soon as possible? Maybe knowing what you like. What you are good at. What your biggest wish is. Who is your best friend. That sure is important to know.

I think it's important to know that you can't have everything in your live. People who always try to get, to taste, to feel, to eat, to travel, to listen to, to watch, to fuck and so on, who always try to get it from every end of the rope may end up with close to nothing. Too many colours together turn grey or ugly or both. People who can't decide - they bore the shit out of me.

City people can be like that. I'm happy to have grown up on the countryside. I know woods and stuff. I know the earth. Maybe I even know a little bit about myself - if I think about it. I wonder if people in New York know that they can't have everything. I wonder if they know how to make choices. They probably don't. After all - if they aren't city people - then who is? Fuck. Should I go there? Maybe I should. And if just to find out.

I hope the city is not going to be attacked by a monster while I'm visiting. In the movies New York is always attacked by monsters. Even the monsters go to New York. Or Tokio, maybe. If they are tired of waiting for their turn because there are so many of them. They have to form a line and wait patiently. Because the city can only be attacked so and so many times per century. It needs time to recover. That's logical. Otherwise it wouldn't be The Big Apple anymore. So some monsters get tired of waiting and move over to Tokio instead. Must be lame there - compared to Manhattan. But monsters have to make choices, too.